My Battles with myself!

Are you being over-worked?

One of the ways to self-empowerment is to recognize that perhaps you're being asked to do more than your regular hours on a recurring basis, because you've failed to stand up and say "It's not okay". Perhaps the battle of empowerment here is won first in your own mind. To recognize that your work-life balance is off-balance! And that time doing over-work is time away from your family, from your me-time, from much needed exercise, or much needed distance to gain perspective.

Many people battle with their "People-pleasing nature" in that way. They don't want to say No. They want to be amenable, to please. Some believe being a Yes-person comes with rewards, promotions, etc. And sometimes that is true. But when does People-pleasing become self-sabotage instead of self-investment?

If you're in a situation where you've won the battle with yourself that you need to say No, as a way of self-care, then you have to win the battle of telling it to your employer. But usually, this battle is far easier that you made it out to be in your own head. The right words, the right tonality, with the right employer will give you back your loss of time. And Yes, once in a while with the not-so-right employer, it will mean asserting yourself in the right way; Highlighting the values that you bring to the Company or Team will paint the picture in a better way, than asserting yourself purely through a battle of wills.

Either way, the harder battle is with your own mind, your own imaginings, and your own nature.

If you've never believed that we bully ourselves in order to please others, to be liked, to not be thought of as anything but helpful, it's time to reassess. Your best friend is always the friend who takes account of the entire picture, not just the future, and not just your work, but your health (spiritual and physical), the health of your relationships, and your time to devote to your passions.

Comment below if recently you've had one such battle with yourself, and how did you fare? Does reading this highlight it as something you really need to get a handle on? Or remind you of a promise you made to yourself which you've let slip.

NB. You only get this because you're on my subscription list or you're on my website. (One of the many benefits of subscribing)

Every bullying situation is different and a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach can tailor how you deal with your bully with you, in a way that empowers you and in a way that you can action.

Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page. Click our logo to get you to the home page.

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Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.

The roles we play in an interview

With all the information out there on what we should and shouldn't say during an interview, it's easy to believe that conforming to the 'experts' advice' is the recipe for doing well in a job interview.

I'd like to come at it from a different angle.

Several years ago, I went to an interview during which the interviewers managed to convince me, that they were arrogant, entitled, condescending and on top of that didn't pay very well at all. And I realized in an instant that I didn't want that job.

What then happened inside me was I played hard to get in my own head, and how this materialized in the interview was, I started asking the interviewers questions.

A young man, around half my age was to be my new boss, and his boss was around my age. The young man turned to his boss and said, "I feel like I'm being interviewed" and I responded, "Well you are." Needless to say that didn't go down well with him, and I walked out with my head high feeling I just did something right by myself, and that's recognizing that if something's not the right fit, the worse thing I could do is suffer the condescension and devaluation I knew I would receive by playing ball, deceiving myself and them, and accepting the job.

I took that attitude to my next few interviews and found myself a job with almost twice that salary in very little time.

Now if you're reading my articles/blogs, you know that I'm going to tie this in with bullying at some point.

We all need to work, to pay our bills, to have the things we want and need, and to have a better quality of life. That's a given.

But what if our quality of life takes a downturn, because of our work? Because we recognize that the people we're spending most of our time with, lack the humanity, or humility, or respect, that we might expect from people who, let's face it, don't know us, and are making assumptions about us, which by the way is not a reflection of us, but of them!

Knowing our own value comes down to our choices. Choose to deceive ourselves, the interviewer, and let him deceive you, or choose to be completely honest with yourself, and be mindful of where the interviewer's words don't add up, asking next level questions to become certain.

The interview is an interesting phenomenon

The interview is an interesting phenomenon, in that it is a life-changing event for many. A new job can bring about major life changes, financially, attitudinally, socially, and on our time-bandwidth.

When we accept a new job, either we are moving from one job to the new job, or we're moving from no job to a new job, and many of our habits, our beliefs (Yes), experiences, expectations will change as a result of the people with whom we will be associating.

So, it's worth considering what we're getting ourselves into when we go to that interview. Conduct ourselves appropriately, and we may get the job (even if in hindsight getting that job is not the best thing for us). Conduct ourselves inappropriately for getting the job, and we won't get the job (even if we're the right person for that job). Most people focus on the latter.

Very few of us consider a job as being a bad thing (the former), and that's because when we go into an interview, we really have no idea about the culture of the business, the environment we're getting ourselves into, other than the face that is represented by the Brand, and that which is presented to us, by the building, the interviewers, and any testing or assessment that we're put through.

…the assessment is the greatest ego-distractor

In fact the assessment is the greatest ego-distractor. We're so busy trying to prove our worth to the employer, and doing well in said assessment becomes so important to us and our ego, that we will almost forgive any shortcomings on the employer's part, as long as they praise our assessment and our capabilities.

We get blind-sided by the offer post-assessment, believing that if they have high regard for me, they're good people and they recognize a good thing when they see one. So we attribute that to their having good judgement, and good values.

This is a fallacy. They need you. And if you're the best person they've interviewed and you're offered the role, it doesn't mean that they are good for you. Not necessarily.

After that interview mentioned above, I went for another interview. The interviewer was inexperienced at interviewing. I noticed that right away. She asked me questions like "Where do I see myself in 5 years time?" You know, the sort of questions you might have been asked at an interview in the 1980's, if you reader are old enough to have interviewed in the 80s. Anyway, this interviewer did not smile. Not once. And I said to myself, I need to know if this person's got a sense of humour if I'm going to spend all day with this person. The questions continued, "What are your strengths?" By the time we got to "What are your weaknesses?", I'd had enough. Something drastic needed to happen to get this woman to loosen up.

"Chocolate!" I retorted!

"Chocolate?" she confirmed?

"Yes, get me some chocolate, and I go weak at the knees. I can't help myself"

A little smile appeared at the corner of her mouth. She tried to stifle it, but the more she tried the more the smile turned into a laughter. Soon it was a full-blown out-loud laughter that she could not contain, for love or money. It became infectious and soon I was laughing with her.

"No, seriously" she said, before the laughter took over again.

I added "Seriously? Strawberries". That made her laugh even harder. We had a good laugh. When I got home that evening there was already a message on my voicemail saying "They loved you. You got it" from the Employment Agency.

I called the agent and told them why I couldn't accept the job (11-hour days was expected, which for the money was poor.)

Soon after I found a much better job, with better work-life balance because I didn't take this one.

So let's talk about bullying for a moment. The minute we decide to deceive ourselves, and some employer about how right we are for a job (deceive if and only if it's not a good match), we open the door to accepting some altered version of reality in our own minds about the conditions of the job. And if the employer really wants us, they will conspire in that deceit so that we accept the job. That's human nature.

Part of bullying-prevention is not putting ourselves in a situation where we feel we are not going to be valued, or we are going to get taken advantage of, or our time is going to be entirely taken up by the work to the extent where we are going to be over-extended on a long-term basis and potentially even develop an illness.

This is not the sort of thing that is spelled out during an interview. However, by asking the right questions, there's much that we can glean in clues, that will enable us to ask next level questions.

Part of not finding ourselves 1 or 2 years down the road in an impossible situation where we're unhappy, and asking ourselves how we ended up in this situation, with these people, stems from knowing what we want, and going to that interview not with the sole purpose of landing 'that' job. But with the greater purpose of landing a job that is going to not only serve our financial needs, but our needs to grow in our job, our needs to grow in our relationships outside of work, and our need to decompress and find valuable me-time. Time that reasserts to us that we're doing all this for ME, because we have Self-Love.

When I look back at how unprepared I was as a young kid leaving University, looking for my first job as a graduate, I realize that our schooling system prepares us to be good employees. Obedient order-takers, who play the game, conform, don't make waves. Individuality is not taught, not to mention, not encouraged.

We are individuals

But we ARE individuals. At the end of the day, there are things that we want and need just for us. Not for our sons, daughters, husbands, wives, partners, mothers, fathers, employers. Just for us.

And recognizing that that need cannot go unfulfilled without losing some aspect of ourselves along with it, is the difference between leading a happy life, and leading one where we constantly settle!

NB. You only get this because you're on my subscription list or you're on my website. (One of the many benefits of subscribing)

Every bullying situation is different and a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach can tailor how you deal with your bully with you, in a way that empowers you and in a way that you can action.

Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page. Click our logo to get you to the home page.

---

Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.

Failure, Comparison, Acceptance and Bullying!

I'd like to start by talking to you about failure. At least what we call failure in our own minds, or what we believe other people's definition would be of a failure.

Many times we forget that we're on our own learning path. It's a fact that we learn different lessons at different times to other people.

So while some people have already learned the lesson we're currently learning, those same people may not have learned the lessons we've mastered years ago.

So with the understanding that we're all on our own path, spiritually, mentally, our physical development, our emotional development, our ethics, our morals, our vulnerability, the list goes on and on, there's something we're all guilty of and that is...

Comparing ourselves with others. Comparing our achievements with others, comparing our street cred with others, comparing our finances with others, comparing the quality of our friends with others, right down to comparing the dishes in our kitchen with others, and this list goes on and on too.

If we can accept that we’re on different paths…

If we can 'accept', yes ACCEPT that we're on different paths, that we value different things to others deep down, and what motivates others does not motivate us to the same degree, then the whole concept of comparison becomes a pointless exercise.

I've often seen school to be the place where this comparison journey begins. And this is just because our society hasn't developed enough to realize that comparison sets all but the very people to whom we're being compared on a path for feeling inadequate, for feeling like we're failing or have failed. But I'll go further than that. It doesn't help the people we are being compared to either, if they feel untouchable, invincible, unbreakable, arrogant and therefore unable to grow in areas where they have room for growth.

This often happens to people who are successful in one area, and others treat them as if they are successful PERIOD!

Take the adoration some movie stars receive. Or Sports stars. When these people let it go to their heads that they are something other than what they are, the door to their development gets shut a little further. Conversely, when things are not going so well, and they're not receiving the adoration they were accustomed to, they start comparing themselves with the people who ARE getting all the accolades right now.

Many Hollywood starlets start looking into Botox or plastic surgery, because they begin to compare themselves physically to the young ingenue that is up and coming. And suddenly they don't feel attractive any more. They might be more attractive than their younger years right now, but if they don't see that when they look into a mirror, that's the Devil of comparison at work!

So the whole thing comes back to accepting the place we are, in our journey, and accepting that we are on different journeys.

Imagine the street punks that pull up beside you at the traffic lights wanting to race you. But you're not going where they're going. Your journey has a different starting point and more likely different destination. It just happens that at some point in the middle of your journey you cross paths with these persons at a stop light.

The need to race is about where the street punks are at on their current path. When you have no such need to race, because it's not, or no longer your path, 'accepting' where you are is a sign of maturity, of growth, of self acceptance and of self love. And accepting to race means you cannot win. If you lose the race, you'll feel badly about yourself for having lost that race. And if you win, it wasn't something you were looking for. It wasn't something that was important to you. So what did you actually win, if it brought you nothing but a momentary stroke of your Ego? No, you actually lost yourself to your Ego momentarily.

Who is in charge? You or your Ego?

Some people spend many years on this Earth, learning that lesson!

Returning to the topic of school as the place this begins, many people say "Well, they have had the same time you've had. The conditions are exactly the same for this person as it is for you. Therefore if they can do it, you can do it!"

"What a load of Codswallop!"

...I've always felt. Some people learn better visually, some learn better via auditory techniques, some learn better in applied settings such as on a school trip, others learn by reading. Some people have confidence issues which puts them on a different footing than those for whom confidence in a particular subject is not an issue; some people's parents talk about that subject giving their children an advantage as the subject is a frequent topic of discussion at home. For others it's the furthest thing from their reality. So conditions are seldom, if ever equal.

Yes, it's good to compete and surprise yourself and see what you can do when you apply yourself. But if you compete and look at your performance as a failure, that is a sign of comparison. The failure is only a failure depending on what you're comparing it to.

So how does this come into play with bullying?

I think you'll see where I'm going with this. Your bully is on their path. You're on your path. Your bully sees it as a sign of weakness, or cowardice that you're not on their path. They want to force you to recognize the importance of wanting what they want in some instances, or playing the game they're playing, or something being as meaningful to you as it is to them.

But it isn't! Because you're on different paths.

The person who recognizes and accepts that, is not troubled by a bully who tries to force the issue of comparison on them. Their Ego isn't excitable by words of daring, comparison, or challenges, or by fear of name-calling.

Next time you start to approval-seek, ask yourself this question:

Am I accepting my own journey?

And if you believe the answer is Yes, test it further.

How much is the person whose approval you're seeking, succeeding in getting you to compare yourself with something, or someone?

Love yourself!

NB. You only get this because you're on my subscription list or you're on my website. (One of the many benefits of subscribing)

Every bullying situation is different and a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach can tailor how you deal with your bully with you, in a way that empowers you and in a way that you can action.

Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page. Click our logo to get you to the home page.

---

Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.

Seeking the company of sufferers.

The other day, I was scanning through a post, as I often do, in people-against-bullying groups when I came across a post that read something like:

"I got bullied again",

or

"The bullying started up again. These people won't leave me alone".

And then I saw the usual flurry of sympathetic reach-outs by respondents, sharing how bad things have been for them, the responders, and a conversation ensues.

As humans, when in pain, we seek the company of others who are going through the same thing. It makes us feel less alone. And sometimes we even get good tips as to how to handle the problem.

But tips don't always solve the problem. In fact rarely do people who are getting bullied, solve a problem by tips alone.

Everyone is different and everyone's bully is different. So just because something worked for one person, it doesn't work for another person, unless the first person coached them exactly how they did it, and what steps should follow the first steps.

This has often been of some interest to me. If I have an illness (let's say it's a physical illness), do I go to a Doctor who can help me kill the bug as quickly as possible, or do I go and sit next to someone who has the illness, is living with it daily, is struggling with it, and hasn't found a solution?

Most people would go for the quicker solution. Because there's no shame in admitting that you have a physical ailment.

So what gets in our way when we're dealing with another human being who is robbing us of our power, our joy, our happiness, our reason for being?

Ego!

Yes, our Ego gets in the way!

"Well, I should be able to deal with this. He's not so tough." Or "I can be as tough as him, I just need more time", or "I'll show her when...", you can fill in the blanks...when...

The fact is for some of you that 'when' hasn't come in a very long time.

And you've been too busy dealing with this bully, to admit to yourself, that you don't have the skills to deal with them. Otherwise you would have.

You sink into a deep lethargy, and sense of apathy. Because you've been drained of your power, your joy, your mirth. Not only drained, but drained for such a long time, that you honestly don't remember when it was the last time that you laughed.

• Laughter is important!

• Hope is important!

• Ambition is important!

Many of these gifts take a back seat when we're dealing with a constant struggle that we have to fight off.

I know. I had to deal with these problems as a teenager. They continued into adulthood. You forget how to have fun. And when your friends are going out, you don't want to join them. They keep asking you...until one day they stop asking, because they know what your answer's gonna be. And you stop getting asked. Loneliness then sets in.

If you've read this and you have experienced many of these things, I want you to ask yourself a question:

<<How long has it been since I last laughed?>>

I actually have another question for you.

<<Do I deserve better than this?>>

Now if your answer is No, you've been dealing with this problem for so long that you've become numb to the history of what started this, and what remains is just the remnants of a version of you that no longer remembers the happier times.

If you answered Yes, then there's a fighting spirit left in you. And perhaps you don't know how to go about fighting for your happiness, but you know that you deserve better.

Whatever you answered, I'd like you to consider, what would happen if you let go of your Ego. If you stopped fighting to be a proud person, and just surrender to the person in you that is just Good. Surrender to your essence. To the person that you are without your Ego.

What does that look like?

How does it feel?

Do you feel the freedom?

Today is the first day of the rest of your life!

You can live it anyway you like. You can go to the Doctor and get help fighting the bug. You can go and sit with a patient and keep each other company in a shared problem.

But if you deserve better, the Doctor is the way to go. Delaying the solution is the workings of the Devil of Ego!

NB. You only get this because you're on my subscription list or you're on my website. (One of the many benefits of subscribing)

Every bullying situation is different and a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach can tailor how you deal with your bully with you, in a way that empowers you and in a way that you can action.

Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page. Click our logo to get you to the home page.

---

Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.

The Worst Kind of Bullying

If you've ever had a bully share their opinion about you, you know how painful that can be. They might say things like: "You're ugly", "You're short", "You're worthless", "You stink", etc.

Or in a corporate setting, "You're lazy", "You're constantly late", "You were disrespectful to someone" (when you weren't), or other accusations as a way to put you on the back foot. These tactics can really hurt, and make us afraid of potential consequences.

If they follow that up with kicks, punches, laughing at us or spreading gossip, it adds fuel to the fire. When their friends start laughing at us and repeating what the bully said, and we're ostracized or excluded, it can become unbearable.

When a group of people say something about us repeatedly, some of us start believing that's the truth. And that leads to the worst kind of bullying Want to learn more? Watch our next video on When we become our own bully.

This video will give you a little food for thought. Check it out by clicking on the image.

FYI: These videos are designed as bite-size clips as part of a Video Series. They make more sense when you watch the videos that come before and after. (This is video 15 in the series).

NB. You only get this because you're on my subscription list or you're on my website. (One of the many benefits of subscribing)

Click the image below to watch today's video.

Every bullying situation is different and a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach can tailor how you deal with your bully with you, in a way that empowers you and in a way that you can action.

Empowering you to get your life back!

Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page. Click our logo to get you to the home page.

---

Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.

Bully-Induced Sleeplessness

If you've ever been bullied before, or know someone who has, the subject of today's video is going to make you nod your head in agreement.

The topic of today's video is Bully-induced sleeplessness is much under-rated.

Getting a good night's sleep before going to work, is what makes us perform in our jobs. Obviously it isn't just about

work performance. It includes any other area where we need to be alert, and firing on all cylinders.

It prevents accidents, it prevents losing our temper because our tempers are frayed due to lack of sleep, and it affects our ability

to earn a living. One of the biggest issues targets of bullying experience is their ability to make 'better' money. All of those things

we could be doing to improve our chances of a better job, a promotion, sending out CVs and Resumes take a hit when our confidence and stress levels take a hit.

This video will give you a little food for thought. Check it out by clicking on the image.

FYI: These videos are designed as bite-size clips as part of a Video Series. They make more sense when you watch the videos that come before and after. (This is video 15 in the series).

NB. You only get this because you're on my subscription list or you're on my website. (One of the many benefits of subscribing)

Click the image below to watch today's video.

Every bullying situation is different and a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach can tailor how you deal with your bully with you, in a way that empowers you and in a way that you can action.

Empowering you to get your life back!

Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page. Click our logo to get you to the home page.

---

Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.

Confidence in the presence of Fear

Have you ever been so afraid of something, you've actually frozen on the spot?

In today's video we look at how people with certain jobs face fear regularly, and deal with them.

How do they deal with them? Is it that they are certain types of people, or is it that they have certain habits, which anyone can learn?

This video will give you a little food for thought. Check it out by clicking on the image.

FYI: These videos are designed as bite-size clips as part of a Video Series. They make more sense when you watch the videos that come before and after.

NB. You only get this because you're on my subscription list or you're on my website. (One of the many benefits of subscribing)

Click the image below to watch today's video.

Every bullying situation is different and a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach can tailor how you deal with your bully with you, in a way that empowers you and in a way that you can action.

Empowering you to get your life back!

Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page. Click our logo to get you to the home page.

---

Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.

Saying it without ‘saying it’ to the bully!

Today I'd like to talk about some of the advice that is given about bullying, in terms of "Say this" or "Don't say that!"

Being an advocate of Body Language, I'm going to talk about why Body Language within a bully dynamic is going to be more advantageous on far more occasions than words.

I'm not devaluing the spoken word. It has its place. But, sometimes the fewer words spoken within a bully dynamic, the better. I'll provide examples and reasons below.

Firstly let's talk some statistics.

The 2 ways of communication are:

• Verbal

• Non-verbal

Verbal is obviously what you say. I’m including tone.

Non-verbal covers your body language.

Psychology professor Albert Mehrabian, noted that

7% of communication occurs through the spoken word,

38% through tone of voice, and

55% through body language.

So that means 45% of communication is through verbal/tonal means and 55% of communication is through physicality.

Let's have some fun with this with some examples.

The Jungle

I'd like to invite you to consider what happens when you come across a wild animal in the jungle. Do you speak to it knowing it won't understand you? Or do you communicate non-verbally?

The chances are that if you speak to it showing no fear, it picks up on your non-verbal communication. Not on your words. But it might pick up on your tones.

Just like we don't understand what a bark of a dog means, but we understand the growl (think tone) and the look in its eyes (body language), or the way a cat's tail goes up when it's about to attack or when it feels threatened (body language).

As human animals, regardless of our culture, our spoken language, we do recognize body language, to a greater or lesser extent.

The Apartment Building Parking Lot

I'll share with you a story that happened to an old colleague. He was the Manager of an apartment building. One evening walking through the parking lot he came across a guy who had jumped the fence into the private tenants parking lot and was about to break into a car. This manager, saw what was about to happen and he shouted out: "Hey, get away from there!", The thief, determined, pulled out a knife.

The manager who had a gun in his pocket put his hand inside his pocket and reached for the gun without pulling it out.

As the thief approached him with his knife he began to notice that not only was the Manager (to him some random man) not afraid, but he was also smiling. He noticed the manager's hand in his coat pocket. And started to put two and two together and decided, that getting closer was not in his best interest. So he took off.

Did the manager need to say any more when confronted with the thief? Clearly, no.

Let’s ask a question you might be asking. The Manager had a gun. So he had the upper hand. That’s why he prevailed. But let me ask you this. If the Manager had pretended he had a gun, and still acted the same way, would the thief have risked possibly getting shot?

“Friends”

Let's give you another example:

Have you seen the episode of "Friends" where Chandler has a room-mate called Eddie?

Do you notice when Eddie accuses Chandler of being intimate with his ex-girlfriend and Chandler defends himself by saying how ridiculous it all is and puts his hand on Eddie's shoulder?

What does Eddie do? He looks at Chandler's hand on his shoulder. That look tells Chandler all he needs to know and he removes his hand from Eddie’s shoulder.

Let's ask a different question. Was Eddie's look more powerful, or would it have been more powerful for him to say "Get your hand off my shoulder?"

The fact is that when dealing with bullies we can convey a great deal without saying a word to them. And often times, this is more powerful than words which may come out trembling in the face of fear or anger.

…But furthermore, the bully doesn't know what you're thinking.

"Why is he/she being so quiet? What are they thinking?" would be their thought.

Not knowing what you're thinking (or planning to do next) puts the bully at a disadvantage.

What if you learned how to effectively communicate non-verbally with your bully?

In a workplace environment, standing up to your bully verbally may come across as insubordinate, if the bully is your boss.

Whether the bully is your boss or not, it will come across as something of a challenge to the bully when you say things verbally. And if this is overheard by bystanders, the bully now has to take action because you made them feel small, or you challenged them.

Bystanders who have to testify as to what happened will say something like, you exacerbated the situation when you said …X… to the bully. Or you threw fuel on the fire by saying that. Or you shouldn't have said that, so, it's your fault that things got escalated.

Now what will bystanders say when you communicate what you need with a simple look?

"Erm, well he didn't really say anything. He just stood there!" or,

"She ignored her"

Don't worry the bully knows you didn't ignore her, because you communicated it effectively. But because you didn't say anything, it lessens the need for the bully to take action. They didn't come off badly (in the eyes of bystanders), you made your point and you didn’t compel the bully to take any further action to save face. So they took no further action.

That's a win for the person getting bullied.

You stopped the bully!

Want to get really good at communicating non-verbally?

Drop me a line through the email at the top of this page and let's get you started on the journey. (In case you're wondering, this is something I taught in my Acting classes for many years to Professional Actors who continue to use it to good effect in roles.) It works in Acting, because it works in life.

NB. You only get this because you're on my subscription list or you're on my website. (One of the many benefits of subscribing)

Every bullying situation is different and a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach can tailor how you deal with your bully with you, in a way that empowers you and in a way that you can action.

Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page. Click our logo to get you to the home page.

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Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.

On Responding to physical bullying

Recently, I've come across articles penned by authors saying you should hit first if you feel you're about to get hit, or if you get hit you should decimate the person who hit you. (Not literally, but hurt them so badly that they'll never think about doing this to you again!) And this is advice given in an article or blog.

I think there's a danger with such advice in that each situation is different. And different situations merit their own remedies.

You could have a young person who is getting bullied at school by gang members. And the young person reads the advice that they should hit before they're about to be hit. And after doing so, the gang member, shocked and embarrassed in front of his friends, pulls out a gun and shoots the person. And that's the end of that young person's life. That's not a victory for the young person! They're dead!

Equally you could have a person who is being tested by the bully. The bully hasn't taken it to the level of physical violence. Only threats of physical violence. And the target of the bullying strikes first, and next thing you know, the target is accused, because they started the fight, it was they who threw the first punch, and now the target is suffering the consequences of starting it. The bully just won!

Bullying is not about who flexes the biggest muscles. Bullying isn't about fighting. Bullying is about power!

The toughest person in the school doesn't have the greatest power. The biggest bully in the company may not be the CEO (the person with the greatest power), the office bully who frightens all of her colleagues may not be the supervisor, the biggest bully in the prison may not be the warden. So let's get away from the notion that bullying is about who is toughest.

Bullying is about the person who wants or claims your power. The bully usually wants power because they are insecure in their own power. So taking your power (momentarily) makes them feel powerful. So beating up your bully to within an inch of their life, does not tell people you have power. It spells that you're afraid. You're so afraid that you had to make an example out of the bully. In a way that shows others that you're as insecure in your power as the bully is.

The person who has true power, does not need to destroy their bully. They can respond to violence with violence in so far as defending themselves. They can make the bully look stupid outside of the physical realm through their behaviour and what they do psychologically in a clever way.

Beating up a bully badly just means the bully will find a way to retaliate. They'll get a bunch of their friends and come around your house and set it on fire, etc. There are many ways that a person whom you have wronged can retaliate. And starting a cycle of escalation is one of the many dangers that can come about by over-responding to physical violence.

So what's the solution?

The solution is developing your inner power. I've fended off bullies who threatened me with physical violence on many occasions without raising a finger towards them, while making it clear that I am more than capable of dealing with them physically. I've made them ineffectual through strategies I employ to deal with bullies effectively.

One such strategy is to read what the bully is doing. In many cases I can read them better than the bully's own level of awareness. You have heard the expression "The Truth Shall set you free". Telling bullies the truth of what they're doing, is something they cannot deny! Even if they deny it to you at the time, the truth-meter in their body tells them it's undeniable. And they won't be able to deny it organically.

I then apply a multi-strategy approach that makes the bully realize that if they take it 'there' with me, it won't be in their interest. In other words they will have more to lose than what they think they will gain if they go there. And this works with people who are physically stronger, better fighters, etc.

I want to mention something else. You won't beat a better fighter (if they happen to be the person who is physically bullying you). When you try, you're playing in their area of strength. You're playing their game, in their arena, with their rules. You're playing where they're the expert and you're a novice. And they will win! So hitting a bully doesn't always work. And those who advocate that have not been beaten up severely enough to know the pitfalls of giving such advice.

Bullying being a repeated event, you don't want to play in the bully's arena. When you do, you lose every time.

I coach victims on how to deal with bullies effectively based on many markers.

* Where the victim is

* Where the bully is

* Where the relationship is.

(* By where I don't mean the location. By 'where' I mean the level of competency in relation to the skill-level being sought after, or needed, the history, the actions taken to-date, the take-aways to-date, and many other markers).

If you need to get this area of your life handled, you can contact me via the truthinemotion.com website.

NB. You only get this because you're on my subscription list or you're on my website. (One of the many benefits of subscribing)

Every bullying situation is different and a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach can tailor how you deal with your bully with you, in a way that empowers you and in a way that you can action.

Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page.

Click our logo to get you to the home page.

---

Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.

Losing the fear!

Ahh Losing the fear!!!

What if I were to tell you that you don't actually want to lose the fear?

Today's video goes into it at length, and says it far more eloquently than words alone.

This video talks about fear in the context of a bullying situation. Is it good? Is it bad? How much fear is the right amount? It's meant to get you thinking so you can do your own research.

NB. You only get this because you're on my subscription list or you're on my website. (One of the many benefits of subscribing)

Click the image below to watch today's video.

Every bullying situation is different and a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach can tailor how you deal with your bully with you, in a way that empowers you and in a way that you can action.

Empowering you to get your life back!

Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page. Click our logo to get you to the home page.

---

Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.

Dealing with the bully yourself!

If you've elected to deal with the bully yourself, but don't know how, there are a few considerations worth bearing in mind.

Firstly, hopefully the bully is just one person or entity and you're not taking on an entire gang or army of bullies. That would be a good case for seeking additional assistance.

There are essentially 4 things you need to do when you decide to take on the bully yourself. I will give you one of them here. For the other 3, I encourage you to join one of my programs, where you'll get a complete package of how to deal with your bully, psychological, tactical, skill-based, sociological.

NB. You only get this because you're on my subscription list or you're on my website. (One of the many benefits of subscribing)

So the first one is to make the bully aware that there are consequences. A lot of bullies like to think that they can get away with their actions with impunity and nothing will happen to them. Making them aware (and I will show you how to do this the right way), is a very powerful deterrent. And combined with the other three will definitely give them pause.

Click the image below to watch today's video.

Every bullying situation is different and a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach can tailor how you deal with your bully with you, in a way that empowers you and in a way that you can action.

Empowering you to get your life back!

Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page. Click our logo to get you to the home page.

---

Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.

situational awareness

The topic of today's video is arguably the most important topic when it comes to the subject of bullying.

It determines not only whether the bullying will continue, but how long, and in which direction it is likely to go, and the timing of that change.

Developing situational awareness affects the direction and outcome of wars, as well as smaller bullying dynamics.

Give today's video a watch by clicking on the image below.

Bear in mind that every situation is different and a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach can tailor how you deal with your bully with you, in a way that empowers you and in a way that you can action.

Arguably the most important topic when it comes to the subject of bullying.

Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page. Click our logo to get you to the home page.

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Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.

On workplace gangs and the narcissistic boss.

Let's talk about workplace gangs and how they come into creation.

You've heard of the Office Culture before. You've been to job interviews where it may or may not be clear that the interviewer/boss is looking for someone who not only can do the job, but also fits in with the office culture.

Then you have micro-office cultures. This is when a boss within the department has certain emotional/ego needs that must be satisfied.

Some people notice this and cater to said boss with good results. Others notice this and cannot be bothered to stroke the boss's ego. This does not go unnoticed by the boss. Others don't notice this and are invited by the boss to conform and comply.

If you're there to do your work, and keep your head down, sadly you may get caught up in this unwittingly.

The boss is under the illusion that they have more power over you than they have. So when through your actions you dispossess them of that illusion, you become a threat to the boss’ belief about themselves.

And that sadly is when your boss doubles down and asserts themself to get you to notice who's the boss.

This is not good for the company, or the department. But the TEAM (as the boss sees it), is formed of people who are willing to be 'Team players'

And if you're not willing to be a team player the way the boss sees it, then they will try all sorts of things to make your life difficult from giving you the jobs that are not so nice, to making you stay late, to not promoting you when your output is better than others, to spreading gossip about you, to disagreeing with you most of the time, sometimes in front of others, to being sarcastic with you, to making a case for your dismissal.

How you handle this situation determines how happy you're going to be in your day to day life at the office.

Potential solutions:

1. One solution could be to cave in, start sucking up to your boss and become a team-player.

But I suspect if you were that kind of person, you would have done it from the beginning.

You're in this situation because

i) Perhaps you don't see why you should have to, or

ii) Perhaps because you see through your boss and find them petty and childish.

iii) Perhaps you don't respect that aspect of your boss's personality and you have too much respect for yourself to demean yourself by becoming their lackey.

iv) Your schedule is such that you can't possibly be the sort of team-player your boss wants you to be (eg. going out drinking after work with colleagues, that you don't particularly care for.

v) Some other reason personal to you.

So it's safe to say, this is not a solution for you. Because if you were going to do it, you would have done it from the beginning.

And trying to adopt those behaviours now, is probably too little too late.

But one thing's for sure. If you carry on keeping your nose clean and doing what you've been doing, you're going to be unhappy.

So no action is not a solution.

2. Another solution could be to start confronting your boss, and the sheep who suck up to them, as a way to ask for fairness. But that tactic would suggest, you haven't grasped the person that is your boss; The narcissist who seeks constant approval and credibility.

This tactic would ensure your life becomes unbearable very quickly.

3. A third solution could be to quit. But that's not always an easy option as that boss may be your referee for your next job, or you'll interview for your next job with no reference from your current employer. This is assuming you can find another job quickly that satisfies your financial and career requirements.

The solution therefore is to be smarter in the way you do things. In your interaction with your colleagues and co-workers, in your interactions with your boss and your boss's boss.

Everyone has their own definition of 'smarter'. But there's one way of being smarter that actually works and will start to put the ball back in your court.

Workplace gangs are formed by the water-cooler, in pubs or bars after work, in meeting rooms. They are formed by one person taking the lead to denigrate a colleague and the others following like sheep.

If you're currently facing a bully dynamic at work, and you've tried everything, you're going to need help. Remember, no action is not an option, unless you want to keep being unhappy every day of your working week.

I have dealt with these situations many times successfully at different places of employment and at different ages. There are a few things you need in your arsenal to be 'smarter' when dealing with a workplace bully dynamic.

The help you need must be personal to you, because it will be you who will be putting it into action. So it will have to be a collaborative strategy.

Reach out to me. Let’s put a stop to the nonsense before it gets out of hand. And if it’s already out of hand, you’re going to need help.

contact@truthinemotion.com

Bear in mind that every situation is different and the reason for coming to a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach is the benefit of their Experience with bullying and knowledge of dealing with each problem.

Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page. Click our logo to get you to the home page.

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Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.

Deciding ‘who’ should stop the bully.

Getting the bullying to stop as we discussed in last week's video is about bringing a change to the bully's behaviour.

This can be brought about by the recipient of the bullying or a 3rd party.

Deciding who that should be and the factors to bring into consideration is the topic of today's video.

Give today's video a watch by clicking on the image below.

Bear in mind that every situation is different and the reason for coming to a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach is the benefit of their Experience with bullying and knowledge of dealing with each problem.

The factors to bring into consideration when deciding who should stop the bully is the topic of today's video.

Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page. Click our logo to get you to the home page.

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Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.

getting the bullying to stop!

The first thing to learn about the beginning or end of any behaviour between two parties is that there are 2 parties involved.

This may sound obvious. But bear with me.

Both parties behave in a certain way at the beginning of a bullying relationship, and both parties have to behave differently at the end of a bullying relationship.

Arriving at how that should come about is complex.

Give today's video a watch by clicking on the image below.

Bear in mind that every situation is different and the reason for coming to a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach is the benefit of their Experience with bullying and knowledge of dealing with each problem.

Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page. Click our logo to get you to the home page.

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Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.

Non-Verbal talk

When it comes to bullying and trusting someone (which we touched on in the last video), there's one element that is of paramount importance, and that's the subject of today's video:

Body Language, or Non-Verbal Communication.

There's much you can learn about someone's pattern of behaviour through their non-verbal communication.

Developing this skill will help you enormously with your bullying problems.

People are 'usually' unaware of their non-verbal communication, even when they are in control of the words they use.

In theatre, they call it subtext.

Give today's video a watch by clicking on the image below.

Bear in mind that every situation is different and the reason for coming to a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach is the benefit of their Experience with bullying and knowledge of dealing with each problem.

Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page. Click our logo to get you to the home page.

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Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.

About trust!

In the last video we talked about not suffering in silence by sharing your bullying experiences with someone close to you. This video touches on making a discerning choice about who you share with.

While sharing with a close person is usually the right choice, once in a while that person ends up being the wrong person to have shared this experience with.

Learning to read people and knowing whether you should trust them is a skill that can be taught.

Click on the image below to watch today's video.

Bear in mind that every situation is different and the reason for coming to a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach is the benefit of their Experience with bullying and knowledge of dealing with each problem.

Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page. Click our logo to get you to the home page.

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Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.

The bully and your mental health

One thing that is common to people who are experiencing repeat bullying is that their mental health is in tatters. Usually with sleeplessness and other factors, their physical health has also taken a hit.

While it's important to be discerning about who you share your bully problem with, it is important that you don't suffer in silence and let someone close to you know that this is going on. If for no other reason than to keep yourself sane and say out loud what is going on with you.

Having someone who knows about your situation is vital both for your mental health and also in the event anything should happen with the bully that a third party (a friend) can watch out for you.

Click on the image below to watch today's video.

Bear in mind that every situation is different and the reason for coming to a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach is the benefit of their Experience with bullying and knowledge of dealing with each problem.

Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page. Click our logo to get you to the home page.

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Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.

Patterning your bully!

Being able to predict when a bully might show up, or act up is a telling indicator of what a person who is dealing with a bully dynamic could do to avoid dealing with the bully on their terms.

In today's video we talk about Patterning.

Click on the image below to watch today's video.

Bear in mind that every situation is different and the reason for coming to a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach is the benefit of their Experience with bullying and knowledge of dealing with each problem.

Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page. Click our logo to get you to the home page.

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Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.

The inconvenient bully!

Bullies have a way of dictating when you must interact with them by showing up on their timeline, on their schedule, when it's convenient for them.

What to do? What to do?

Click on the image below to watch today's video.

Bear in mind that every situation is different and the reason for coming to a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach is the benefit of their Experience with bullying and knowledge of dealing with each problem.

Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page. Click our logo to get you to the home page.

---

Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.