Seeking the company of sufferers.
The other day, I was scanning through a post, as I often do, in people-against-bullying groups when I came across a post that read something like:
"I got bullied again",
or
"The bullying started up again. These people won't leave me alone".
And then I saw the usual flurry of sympathetic reach-outs by respondents, sharing how bad things have been for them, the responders, and a conversation ensues.
As humans, when in pain, we seek the company of others who are going through the same thing. It makes us feel less alone. And sometimes we even get good tips as to how to handle the problem.
But tips don't always solve the problem. In fact rarely do people who are getting bullied, solve a problem by tips alone.
Everyone is different and everyone's bully is different. So just because something worked for one person, it doesn't work for another person, unless the first person coached them exactly how they did it, and what steps should follow the first steps.
This has often been of some interest to me. If I have an illness (let's say it's a physical illness), do I go to a Doctor who can help me kill the bug as quickly as possible, or do I go and sit next to someone who has the illness, is living with it daily, is struggling with it, and hasn't found a solution?
Most people would go for the quicker solution. Because there's no shame in admitting that you have a physical ailment.
So what gets in our way when we're dealing with another human being who is robbing us of our power, our joy, our happiness, our reason for being?
Ego!
Yes, our Ego gets in the way!
"Well, I should be able to deal with this. He's not so tough." Or "I can be as tough as him, I just need more time", or "I'll show her when...", you can fill in the blanks...when...
The fact is for some of you that 'when' hasn't come in a very long time.
And you've been too busy dealing with this bully, to admit to yourself, that you don't have the skills to deal with them. Otherwise you would have.
You sink into a deep lethargy, and sense of apathy. Because you've been drained of your power, your joy, your mirth. Not only drained, but drained for such a long time, that you honestly don't remember when it was the last time that you laughed.
Laughter is important!
Hope is important!
Ambition is important!
Many of these gifts take a back seat when we're dealing with a constant struggle that we have to fight off.
I know. I had to deal with these problems as a teenager. They continued into adulthood. You forget how to have fun. And when your friends are going out, you don't want to join them. They keep asking you...until one day they stop asking, because they know what your answer's gonna be. And you stop getting asked. Loneliness then sets in.
If you've read this and you have experienced many of these things, I want you to ask yourself a question:
<<How long has it been since I last laughed?>>
I actually have another question for you.
<<Do I deserve better than this?>>
Now if your answer is No, you've been dealing with this problem for so long that you've become numb to the history of what started this, and what remains is just the remnants of a version of you that no longer remembers the happier times.
If you answered Yes, then there's a fighting spirit left in you. And perhaps you don't know how to go about fighting for your happiness, but you know that you deserve better.
Whatever you answered, I'd like you to consider, what would happen if you let go of your Ego. If you stopped fighting to be a proud person, and just surrender to the person in you that is just Good. Surrender to your essence. To the person that you are without your Ego.
What does that look like?
How does it feel?
Do you feel the freedom?
Today is the first day of the rest of your life!
You can live it anyway you like. You can go to the Doctor and get help fighting the bug. You can go and sit with a patient and keep each other company in a shared problem.
But if you deserve better, the Doctor is the way to go. Delaying the solution is the workings of the Devil of Ego!
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Every bullying situation is different and a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach can tailor how you deal with your bully with you, in a way that empowers you and in a way that you can action.
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Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.
