Dealing with the bully yourself!
Electing to deal with the bully yourself is not an easy decision. For some, just reading this makes you want to stop reading.
But I implore you to keep reading because the rewards are many if you decide to deal with them yourself.
If bullying is a power dynamic, which I hope you’ll agree with me that it is, dealing with the bully yourself is empowering…
If you've elected to deal with the bully yourself, but don't know how, there are a few considerations worth bearing in mind.
Firstly, hopefully the bully is just one person or entity and you're not taking on an entire gang or army of bullies. That would be a good case for seeking additional assistance.
There are essentially 4 things you need to do when you decide to take on the bully yourself. I will give you one of them here. For the other 3, I encourage you to join one of my programs, where you'll get a complete package of how to deal with your bully, psychological, tactical, skill-based, sociological.
NB. You only get this because you're on my subscription list or you're on my website. (One of the many benefits of subscribing)
So the first one is to make the bully aware that there are consequences. A lot of bullies like to think that they can get away with their actions with impunity and nothing will happen to them. Making them aware (and I will show you how to do this the right way), is a very powerful deterrent. And combined with the other three will definitely give them pause.
Click the image below to watch today's video.
Every bullying situation is different and a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach can tailor how you deal with your bully with you, in a way that empowers you and in a way that you can action.
Empowering you to get your life back!
Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page. Click our logo to get you to the home page.
Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.
What is the Secret to keeping ourselves?
Do you find yourself saying Yes, when everyone else is saying Yes, even though you disagree? How we keep our mouthes shut about everything, becomes a habit.
This habit of conformity kills our individuality little by little every single day. And I say 'kills' because the more we do it, the more we lose touch with ourselves; With our emotions. We stop feeling. We become these unfeeling, beings. These machines. READ MORE…
That's a strange title, isn't it?
Okay, but what if I say, keeping ourselves is the opposite of losing ourselves. Does that change things?
Think of how many times you lose yourself every day in a social setting.
Do you find yourself saying Yes, when everyone else is saying Yes, even though you disagree?
Let's look at the opposite. Do you find yourself saying No, when you mean Yes, because everyone else is saying No?
Do you find yourself staying quiet when you want to say something, but wonder why everyone else is staying quiet?
I want you relax. Most people do that. You're not the only one. You're fitting in with the rest.
We do this for a variety of reasons.
We don't want to venture a response lest it be not well thought through
We don't want to venture a response because we don't want to come across stupid
We don't want to venture a response because we might go against the majority
We don't want to venture a response because we don't want the majority to know how we think
We don't want to venture a response because it might be against the corporate culture
We don't want to venture a response because it may go against our immediate entourage's beliefs
We don't want to venture a response because it may go against our bosses' beliefs.
How we keep our mouthes shut about everything, becomes a habit.
It's stifling.
I don't know about you, but it makes me want to SCREAMMMMMM!!!!
This habit of conformity kills our individuality little by little every single day.
And I say 'kills' because the more we do it, the more we lose touch with ourselves; With our emotions. We stop feeling. We become these unfeeling, beings.
These machines.
We turn into the computers we are forced to operate daily.
What happens to these emotions, these feelings that go buried, unexpressed, resolution-less?
Have you ever considered that?
Have I got your attention?
Our emotions are a big part of our human organism. We were never meant to be these logical beings who operate separately from our feelings.
Our essence...what makes us US,
comes from our experiences, our feelings about things.
And when these feelings are pushed down
so we don't feel them,
so they become separated from us,
they begin to sink!
Yes sink …
deeply into our subconscious selves.
They start to express themselves
in our cells,
in our joints,
in our bones,
in our tendons,
in our vital organs,
in our blood!
In short, they haven't left us, just because we don't give them air time. They haven't gone away because we are no longer aware of them.
Our Emotions are
E-Motions or Energy in Motion.
They have Energy,
and if they can't move, they vibrate unable to move.
They are trying to find an escape, like the sock that clings on to the wall of the dryer, hoping its owner didn't see it, so that it can make its get away.
I hope this made you smile.
It's important to have a moment of levity when we consider how we have the greatest number of people dying from some sort of cancer than ever in the history of our planet.
I believe we're going through an evolutionary time in our development as humans.
We are becoming wise to the fact that killing
our emotions,
our voices,
our uniqueness
our 'selves'
in the interest of conformity
is costing us our health.
And those who are clued in on this evolution are seeking ways to work for themselves.
Our Truth is carried in our Emotions.
Our Truth is Carried in Our Emotions
I started this article by asking
"What is the secret to
keeping ourselves?"
And the answer.
To stand up and be counted.
Unafraid that we might be different.
Loving ourselves for everything that we are so far,
for we're constantly evolving.
And accepting that if we have flaws, there isn't a person
on this planet who can say they are without flaw.
And those who say they are without flaw are the most flawed.
They're just too out of touch to know it!
Now I recognize that not everyone can wake up tomorrow after reading this article and say:
"From now on, I'm going to let people SEE me"
As children we are uninhibited.
It takes time to become inhibited.
And to learn to become uninhibited again as adults, requires
The Desire
The knowledge that stifling our emotions will cause us physical harm
The drive
The skills to relearn
The courage
But it's well worth it, to finding our way back to ourselves.
And that doesn’t mean we forget how to censor ourselves.
It means we remember how to give our feelings air!
And the benefits:
Our relationships improve.
With our parents,
with our children,
with our partners
With OURSELVES!
We start learning to love ourselves and do things for ourselves.
We start learning to be in flow and allow things to come to us - that female energy.
We start gravitating to jobs and persons that are pleasurable to us.
We start attracting more wealth, more rest, more healthy habits.
We start to visit more places we've always wanted to see.
All because
we said YES to “I”.
To who we are.
And we started celebrating who we are RIGHT NOW!
Not in 5 months time. Not in 2 years time.
RIGHT F&($- ING NOW.
TruthinEmotion.com is so called because we are a haven for getting in touch with
our Truth
(what we truly want,
who we're truly meant to be,
why we're truly here),
through getting back in touch with our emotions and allowing our Truth to inform our way forward, back to ourselves, we open up the world of possibility.
We start to consider it again for the first time in...well maybe decades.
It's the beginning of our freedom.
I want everyone reading this to imagine collectively holding hands with all the others who are reading this article or who have read it and say:
"I'm ready to be ME".
Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page. Click our logo to get you to the home page.
situational awareness
The topic of today's video is arguably the most important topic when it comes to the subject of bullying.
It determines not only whether the bullying will continue, but how long, and in which direction it is likely to go, and the timing of that change.
Developing situational awareness affects the direction and outcome of wars, as well as smaller bullying dynamics.
The topic of today's video is arguably the most important topic when it comes to the subject of bullying.
It determines not only whether the bullying will continue, but how long, and in which direction it is likely to go, and the timing of that change.
Developing situational awareness affects the direction and outcome of wars, as well as smaller bullying dynamics.
Give today's video a watch by clicking on the image below.
Bear in mind that every situation is different and a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach can tailor how you deal with your bully with you, in a way that empowers you and in a way that you can action.
Arguably the most important topic when it comes to the subject of bullying.
Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page. Click our logo to get you to the home page.
Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.
On workplace gangs and the narcissistic boss.
Let's talk about workplace gangs and how they come into creation.
You've heard of the Office Culture before. You've been to job interviews where it may or may not be clear that the interviewer/boss is looking for someone who not only can do the job, but also fits in with the office culture.
Then you have micro-office cultures. This is when a boss within the department has certain emotional/ego needs that must be satisfied. Some people notice this and cater to said boss with good results. Others notice this and cannot be bothered to stroke the boss's ego. This does not go unnoticed by the boss. READ MORE ON BLOG.
Let's talk about workplace gangs and how they come into creation.
You've heard of the Office Culture before. You've been to job interviews where it may or may not be clear that the interviewer/boss is looking for someone who not only can do the job, but also fits in with the office culture.
Then you have micro-office cultures. This is when a boss within the department has certain emotional/ego needs that must be satisfied.
Some people notice this and cater to said boss with good results. Others notice this and cannot be bothered to stroke the boss's ego. This does not go unnoticed by the boss. Others don't notice this and are invited by the boss to conform and comply.
If you're there to do your work, and keep your head down, sadly you may get caught up in this unwittingly.
The boss is under the illusion that they have more power over you than they have. So when through your actions you dispossess them of that illusion, you become a threat to the boss’ belief about themselves.
And that sadly is when your boss doubles down and asserts themself to get you to notice who's the boss.
This is not good for the company, or the department. But the TEAM (as the boss sees it), is formed of people who are willing to be 'Team players'
And if you're not willing to be a team player the way the boss sees it, then they will try all sorts of things to make your life difficult from giving you the jobs that are not so nice, to making you stay late, to not promoting you when your output is better than others, to spreading gossip about you, to disagreeing with you most of the time, sometimes in front of others, to being sarcastic with you, to making a case for your dismissal.
How you handle this situation determines how happy you're going to be in your day to day life at the office.
Potential solutions:
1. One solution could be to cave in, start sucking up to your boss and become a team-player.
But I suspect if you were that kind of person, you would have done it from the beginning.
You're in this situation because
i) Perhaps you don't see why you should have to, or
ii) Perhaps because you see through your boss and find them petty and childish.
iii) Perhaps you don't respect that aspect of your boss's personality and you have too much respect for yourself to demean yourself by becoming their lackey.
iv) Your schedule is such that you can't possibly be the sort of team-player your boss wants you to be (eg. going out drinking after work with colleagues, that you don't particularly care for.
v) Some other reason personal to you.
So it's safe to say, this is not a solution for you. Because if you were going to do it, you would have done it from the beginning.
And trying to adopt those behaviours now, is probably too little too late.
But one thing's for sure. If you carry on keeping your nose clean and doing what you've been doing, you're going to be unhappy.
So no action is not a solution.
2. Another solution could be to start confronting your boss, and the sheep who suck up to them, as a way to ask for fairness. But that tactic would suggest, you haven't grasped the person that is your boss; The narcissist who seeks constant approval and credibility.
This tactic would ensure your life becomes unbearable very quickly.
3. A third solution could be to quit. But that's not always an easy option as that boss may be your referee for your next job, or you'll interview for your next job with no reference from your current employer. This is assuming you can find another job quickly that satisfies your financial and career requirements.
The solution therefore is to be smarter in the way you do things. In your interaction with your colleagues and co-workers, in your interactions with your boss and your boss's boss.
Everyone has their own definition of 'smarter'. But there's one way of being smarter that actually works and will start to put the ball back in your court.
Workplace gangs are formed by the water-cooler, in pubs or bars after work, in meeting rooms. They are formed by one person taking the lead to denigrate a colleague and the others following like sheep.
If you're currently facing a bully dynamic at work, and you've tried everything, you're going to need help. Remember, no action is not an option, unless you want to keep being unhappy every day of your working week.
I have dealt with these situations many times successfully at different places of employment and at different ages. There are a few things you need in your arsenal to be 'smarter' when dealing with a workplace bully dynamic.
The help you need must be personal to you, because it will be you who will be putting it into action. So it will have to be a collaborative strategy.
Reach out to me. Let’s put a stop to the nonsense before it gets out of hand. And if it’s already out of hand, you’re going to need help.
contact@truthinemotion.com
Bear in mind that every situation is different and the reason for coming to a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach is the benefit of their Experience with bullying and knowledge of dealing with each problem.
Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page. Click our logo to get you to the home page.
Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.
Deciding ‘who’ should stop the bully.
Dealing with the bully ourselves can bring about satisfaction, and also ensure we develop ourselves in a way that means we will know how to deal with future bullies. Sometimes however, the nature of the bullying is such that, a third party will be able to bring about an end more effectively. In this brief video we hint at the cost implications of our decision.
Getting the bullying to stop as we discussed in last week's video is about bringing a change to the bully's behaviour.
This can be brought about by the recipient of the bullying or a 3rd party.
Deciding who that should be and the factors to bring into consideration is the topic of today's video.
Give today's video a watch by clicking on the image below.
Bear in mind that every situation is different and the reason for coming to a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach is the benefit of their Experience with bullying and knowledge of dealing with each problem.
The factors to bring into consideration when deciding who should stop the bully is the topic of today's video.
Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page. Click our logo to get you to the home page.
Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.
getting the bullying to stop!
The first thing to learn about the beginning or end of any behaviour between two parties is that there are 2 parties involved.
This may sound obvious. But bear with me. Both parties behave in a certain way at the beginning of a bullying relationship, and both parties have to behave differently at the end of a bullying relationship.
Arriving at how that should come about is complex. Watch the video to learn more.
The first thing to learn about the beginning or end of any behaviour between two parties is that there are 2 parties involved.
This may sound obvious. But bear with me.
Both parties behave in a certain way at the beginning of a bullying relationship, and both parties have to behave differently at the end of a bullying relationship.
Arriving at how that should come about is complex.
Give today's video a watch by clicking on the image below.
Bear in mind that every situation is different and the reason for coming to a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach is the benefit of their Experience with bullying and knowledge of dealing with each problem.
Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page. Click our logo to get you to the home page.
Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.
Non-Verbal talk
The first thing to learn about the beginning or end of any behaviour between two parties is that there are 2 parties involved.
This may sound obvious. But bear with me. Both parties behave in a certain way at the beginning of a bullying relationship, and both parties have to behave differently at the end of a bullying relationship.
Arriving at how that should come about is complex. Watch the video to learn more.
When it comes to bullying and trusting someone (which we touched on in the last video), there's one element that is of paramount importance, and that's the subject of today's video:
Body Language, or Non-Verbal Communication.
There's much you can learn about someone's pattern of behaviour through their non-verbal communication.
Developing this skill will help you enormously with your bullying problems.
People are 'usually' unaware of their non-verbal communication, even when they are in control of the words they use.
In theatre, they call it subtext.
Give today's video a watch by clicking on the image below.
Bear in mind that every situation is different and the reason for coming to a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach is the benefit of their Experience with bullying and knowledge of dealing with each problem.
Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page. Click our logo to get you to the home page.
Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.