The roles we play in an interview

With all the information out there on what we should and shouldn't say during an interview, it's easy to believe that conforming to the 'experts' advice' is the recipe for doing well in a job interview.

I'd like to come at it from a different angle.

Several years ago, I went to an interview during which the interviewers managed to convince me, that they were arrogant, entitled, condescending and on top of that didn't pay very well at all. And I realized in an instant that I didn't want that job.

What then happened inside me was I played hard to get in my own head, and how this materialized in the interview was, I started asking the interviewers questions.

A young man, around half my age was to be my new boss, and his boss was around my age. The young man turned to his boss and said, "I feel like I'm being interviewed" and I responded, "Well you are." Needless to say that didn't go down well with him, and I walked out with my head high feeling I just did something right by myself, and that's recognizing that if something's not the right fit, the worse thing I could do is suffer the condescension and devaluation I knew I would receive by playing ball, deceiving myself and them, and accepting the job.

I took that attitude to my next few interviews and found myself a job with almost twice that salary in very little time.

Now if you're reading my articles/blogs, you know that I'm going to tie this in with bullying at some point.

We all need to work, to pay our bills, to have the things we want and need, and to have a better quality of life. That's a given.

But what if our quality of life takes a downturn, because of our work? Because we recognize that the people we're spending most of our time with, lack the humanity, or humility, or respect, that we might expect from people who, let's face it, don't know us, and are making assumptions about us, which by the way is not a reflection of us, but of them!

Knowing our own value comes down to our choices. Choose to deceive ourselves, the interviewer, and let him deceive you, or choose to be completely honest with yourself, and be mindful of where the interviewer's words don't add up, asking next level questions to become certain.

The interview is an interesting phenomenon

The interview is an interesting phenomenon, in that it is a life-changing event for many. A new job can bring about major life changes, financially, attitudinally, socially, and on our time-bandwidth.

When we accept a new job, either we are moving from one job to the new job, or we're moving from no job to a new job, and many of our habits, our beliefs (Yes), experiences, expectations will change as a result of the people with whom we will be associating.

So, it's worth considering what we're getting ourselves into when we go to that interview. Conduct ourselves appropriately, and we may get the job (even if in hindsight getting that job is not the best thing for us). Conduct ourselves inappropriately for getting the job, and we won't get the job (even if we're the right person for that job). Most people focus on the latter.

Very few of us consider a job as being a bad thing (the former), and that's because when we go into an interview, we really have no idea about the culture of the business, the environment we're getting ourselves into, other than the face that is represented by the Brand, and that which is presented to us, by the building, the interviewers, and any testing or assessment that we're put through.

…the assessment is the greatest ego-distractor

In fact the assessment is the greatest ego-distractor. We're so busy trying to prove our worth to the employer, and doing well in said assessment becomes so important to us and our ego, that we will almost forgive any shortcomings on the employer's part, as long as they praise our assessment and our capabilities.

We get blind-sided by the offer post-assessment, believing that if they have high regard for me, they're good people and they recognize a good thing when they see one. So we attribute that to their having good judgement, and good values.

This is a fallacy. They need you. And if you're the best person they've interviewed and you're offered the role, it doesn't mean that they are good for you. Not necessarily.

After that interview mentioned above, I went for another interview. The interviewer was inexperienced at interviewing. I noticed that right away. She asked me questions like "Where do I see myself in 5 years time?" You know, the sort of questions you might have been asked at an interview in the 1980's, if you reader are old enough to have interviewed in the 80s. Anyway, this interviewer did not smile. Not once. And I said to myself, I need to know if this person's got a sense of humour if I'm going to spend all day with this person. The questions continued, "What are your strengths?" By the time we got to "What are your weaknesses?", I'd had enough. Something drastic needed to happen to get this woman to loosen up.

"Chocolate!" I retorted!

"Chocolate?" she confirmed?

"Yes, get me some chocolate, and I go weak at the knees. I can't help myself"

A little smile appeared at the corner of her mouth. She tried to stifle it, but the more she tried the more the smile turned into a laughter. Soon it was a full-blown out-loud laughter that she could not contain, for love or money. It became infectious and soon I was laughing with her.

"No, seriously" she said, before the laughter took over again.

I added "Seriously? Strawberries". That made her laugh even harder. We had a good laugh. When I got home that evening there was already a message on my voicemail saying "They loved you. You got it" from the Employment Agency.

I called the agent and told them why I couldn't accept the job (11-hour days was expected, which for the money was poor.)

Soon after I found a much better job, with better work-life balance because I didn't take this one.

So let's talk about bullying for a moment. The minute we decide to deceive ourselves, and some employer about how right we are for a job (deceive if and only if it's not a good match), we open the door to accepting some altered version of reality in our own minds about the conditions of the job. And if the employer really wants us, they will conspire in that deceit so that we accept the job. That's human nature.

Part of bullying-prevention is not putting ourselves in a situation where we feel we are not going to be valued, or we are going to get taken advantage of, or our time is going to be entirely taken up by the work to the extent where we are going to be over-extended on a long-term basis and potentially even develop an illness.

This is not the sort of thing that is spelled out during an interview. However, by asking the right questions, there's much that we can glean in clues, that will enable us to ask next level questions.

Part of not finding ourselves 1 or 2 years down the road in an impossible situation where we're unhappy, and asking ourselves how we ended up in this situation, with these people, stems from knowing what we want, and going to that interview not with the sole purpose of landing 'that' job. But with the greater purpose of landing a job that is going to not only serve our financial needs, but our needs to grow in our job, our needs to grow in our relationships outside of work, and our need to decompress and find valuable me-time. Time that reasserts to us that we're doing all this for ME, because we have Self-Love.

When I look back at how unprepared I was as a young kid leaving University, looking for my first job as a graduate, I realize that our schooling system prepares us to be good employees. Obedient order-takers, who play the game, conform, don't make waves. Individuality is not taught, not to mention, not encouraged.

We are individuals

But we ARE individuals. At the end of the day, there are things that we want and need just for us. Not for our sons, daughters, husbands, wives, partners, mothers, fathers, employers. Just for us.

And recognizing that that need cannot go unfulfilled without losing some aspect of ourselves along with it, is the difference between leading a happy life, and leading one where we constantly settle!

NB. You only get this because you're on my subscription list or you're on my website. (One of the many benefits of subscribing)

Every bullying situation is different and a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach can tailor how you deal with your bully with you, in a way that empowers you and in a way that you can action.

Subscribe to the plethora of content we have in store for you at the bottom of the home page. Click our logo to get you to the home page.

---

Michael Franklin is a Specialist Anti-Bullying Coach, utilizing elements from the worlds of Acting, Psychology and Body Language to help sufferers of the effects of bullying develop the skills needed to rid themselves of their bully problem.